Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Head Spinning

My head is spinning with trying to work out the details of retirement.  I, really, want to retire this year, but I am scared about the loss of the money.  The economy is not in great shape.  I was able to stay home with the kids when they were growing up and sell my crafts.  But it scares me about doing that again.  I have no regrets about going to school and getting my degrees. 

I love teaching, but it is changing and that scares me.  I am worried that they are not looking at the child, but looking at tests scores.  This year, I had 5 more kids in my class.  It is hard to take care of all of their individual needs.  I want to so badly, but there isn't enough time.  I feel guilty.  I started teaching because I didn't want a child to fall through the cracks.  I don't feel like I can meet the needs of 29 kids, but I want to - I am making myself sick trying too.

I am sick more and I am having more issues with my fibro.  I have a co-worker that thinks differently than most people, that makes it hard.  I am excited to see my kids and then as soon as I get to school, there are issues with her. 

We took a big cut when hubby retired to go back to Hawaii to take care of his mom.  It has taken, almost 2 years for me to figure it out.  I will be taking the exact same pay cut he did, but his retirement is more than mine - since I haven't been teaching as long.  My boys, really, want me to retire.  One of them has had to put me in bed some nights because I can't walk up the stairs - I hurt so much.  They want me around for my grand kids.

I am on break this month and I have meal planned every week - even cooked.  I was shocked at the amount that we have been spending at the grocery store, but I know it is less that I would have spent eating out every night, because I was too tired too cook or didn't have anything in the house to cook.

I think I am just scared, because once I make this decision - I can't go back.

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