Thursday, January 22, 2015

One Word 2015

I started thinking of what my word would be for 2015 about Christmas time.  I wrote a bunch of words down and thought about them for a couple of weeks.  One word kept popping out at me.  I kept trying to push it back in, because he seemed to Christmasy.  But, it wouldn't allow it.

My word wanted to be heard.  So "JOY" became my word for 2015.

I was ready to blog about it.  Tell the reasons why I wanted this word to be the word.  I was going to find the JOY in everyday life, everyday decisions.

Then, Monday, January 5th happened and I immediately couldn't find a single reason for JOY.  None.

My sister was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer, at the beginning of December.  She started her chemo treatment, we were going to fight this together.  She had a doctor's appointment and we asked the statistical question.  Blah, blah, blah.

If she didn't continue with chemo, what was her life expectancy?  
The doctor said, 6 months.  She had a rapidly growing cancer that would attach itself to something else in her abdomen, sometimes the liver.

I hit the wall, didn't see that train coming.

If she did chemo, what was her life expectancy, especially since she had cancer before and was so weak?
The doctor said that not many patients even make it to the 5 year mark. What?????

Hit by another train.  We were both speechless, we knew that it wasn't good, but we didn't expect that answer.

There was no JOY, I couldn't find  a single thing to be JOYFUL about it.  I walked out of the room and lost it at the nurse's station.  Like in a pile in front of the nurse's station.  But, I pulled it together and went back to my sister and carried on.

In the two weeks since that date, both my parents have been in the hospital with pneumonia, my sister was in the hospital to gain her strength, and received blood.  I got bronchitis and I had to go to Colorado to tell my sister's daughter, my niece about the outcome.  It was one of the hardest things I have had to do.  We still haven't told my parents, yet, because they have been so sick.

But, where is the JOY in this - my word seemed like it needed to be changed to FAITH. 

But, I want to find JOY in the everyday.

I want to experience JOY with my sister for the time that she has left.  I want to bring her JOY.  I want her to see the JOY in the world and both of us to be apart of it.  But, how can you find JOY in this horrible disease.

I, guess, I need to find out.

1 comment:

  1. That's really tough, Terri.

    Joy will sneak up on you when you're least expecting it.

    Lots of HUGS!