Lucky Girl

I got to spend a few minutes with my 5 week old grand son this morning, before heading to work.  He was awake so I went to see him while they were changing his diaper.  He HATES having his diaper changed, but this morning he wasn't screaming.  I started talking to him and he gave me two of the biggest smiles.  I didn't think it could get better than that - I was wrong.  He started cooing at me.  All, during the diaper change.

I am one lucky girl to be sent out the door in the rain with smiles and coos from a 5 week old.  Heaven.

Heading back

I am heading back to work today, after having the month off.  I have been awake since 2 AM.  My mind can't calm down, spinning.  Not wanting to leave the sleeping grand baby upstairs.  Not wanting to leave the hubby who returns to Hawaii tomorrow.  Not wanting to go back to work because of one of the people I work with - she can be difficult.  The two people that I get along with the best, will be gone for the next 3 weeks.  They are my support system, since hubby is gone.  They are my partners in crime, the girls that I laugh and cry with.  The girls that make we want to get up and go to work, except for my kiddos.  We stay way too late at work - having fun and planning.  It is their turn to enjoy a break.  So I am very, very sad - like panic attack sad.

This week is busy - filled with lots to do at work and at home.  My evenings are filled, poor planning on my part.  But, the week should go by fast and I will collapse on Saturday.  Three weeks until I see my husband again.  The weeks should go by fast, I hope.

First Photo Shoot

My grand son turned a month old yesterday and I, really, wanted to do a photo shoot.  He was a complete angel the whole 20 minutes that I was taking his picture.  This is the picture I wanted to take, I saw it on Pinterest.  A picture each month.

The boys painted a chalkboard wall in my dining room, just so I could take these pictures.

He loves his hands and they are, usually, by his face.

What I didn't expect to get, was the picture below.  I started talking to him, he was looking right at me.  He gave me a smile and started cooing.  I pressed down on the camera shutter and took 3 of the most adorable pictures of him.  It was pure luck, I didn't plan on taking a picture - I didn't know my camera was focused on him.  I started crying, he looked at his mom and was trying to figure out why we were so excited.  I am so glad that I had the camera in my hand.

This is, definitely my favorite photo of him.  I love, love being a Grandma - I highly recommend it.

"Everything happens for a reason" - author unknown

I, truly, believe this quote.  I don't always know why, at the time - something is happening, why it is going a certain way.  But, over time it becomes clear. It might not be the way I want it to go. 

Right now, there are some changes with my career, my day job.  I just need to be patient and see where it leads me. 

Right now - November

Right now, I love holding my grand son, watching him sleep.

Right now, I am happy I have the time to create things before I go back to school.

Right now, I am so happy that hubby is home for the month with us and the new grand baby.  We are having lots of dates.  I love that he is in the kitchen making soup, right now.

Right now, I love hearing the rain outside my window - knowing that I can stay home and not be inside with kids wanting to play in it.

Right now, I need to work on my Christmas shopping list.  I have two presents ready to go, a bunch more to get.

Right now, I am happy.

Simple

I am looking for a simpler life, one without all the baggage.  A life created by me, just for me.  I know it is out there.  I just need to create it.  I am a creative thinker.  I love looking at things and saying "I can do that".  My mind craves creativity - it needs to plan things out.  I don't always get them done, but I think I enjoy the planning part the best.

I am crazy for color, which would explain why I have so much fabric and yarn.  I don't always make things with them, but I love, love looking at them.  Right now, I have a stack of yellow, gray, black and white fabric on my table.  It makes me REALLY HAPPY.  I am not a yellow person, so it was strange that I would be drawn to this color.  I think it was the gray in the fabric.  I am thinking that I am going to make a diaper bag, receiving blanket and a car cover for Kiwi - that is mine to use.  I just need to cut into the fabric, which is the biggest step.

I am crazy for polka dots and most recently chevron stripes.  Can you say happiness????

Mornings

"the early bird catches the worm" - author unknown

Mornings have become my favorite time of the day.  The house is quiet, everyone is asleep.  The house has been cooled down from the evening - so in summer it is perfect.  In the winter, I can put on slippers and a sweatshirt.  I am, usually, up moving by 3:30.  Sometimes, I will sleep in until 5.  I can't wait for that first cup of coffee, the smell, the first yummy taste in my favorite mug.

When my husband was still working I would get up early to get the coffee started, get his lunch and breakfast together and send him out the door by 4:15.  His favorite coffee cups are my grandma's Jadeite mugs that she gave him.  She had them for years and he would always drink out of them when we visited the ranch.

Then it was my time to study for school, while the boys were still sleeping.  The only noises were the kids sleeping and the creaks in the house.  I finished school, went back to work, still made hubby his coffee and then I became creative.  It was my time to work on a creative project because I was so exhausted when I got home from work.  These days it is just me in the morning, since hubby lives in Hawaii, but it has been nice having him home, returning to an old routine.  It feels familar.

I love being able to sit at my craft table or dining room table watching the sun rise outside my windows.  It is so peaceful - it is bliss.

Veterans' Day

This flag means a lot to my family.  We are a military family.

My father served in the Navy during Korea.  My brother is still in the Army and will retire within the next year.  My great uncle died serving his country during Pearl Harbor.  My son's best friend was killed in Iraq 4 years ago when is youngest daughter was only 5 weeks old.  My husband has friends that served during Vietnam.  I, also, have friends that have been or are  in the military.   I am proud that I live in this country. 

I would like to honor and thank all of the military service people and especially, their families.  Thank you for doing your job every day to protect my family.  You make this country better because of your sacrifice.

Make over and a date

I love, love my new blog designed by Barb at Ruby Slippers Blog Designs.  She always does a great job and is the only person that I trust.  I look at my new blog and it makes me so happy.  Like hearing birds chirp happy.

Yesterday, I had a date day with my hubby - which we never get to do - since he lives in another state and hasn't been home in a year.  We had a great time.  We started with lunch, some shopping and then dinner at one of our favorite Hawaiian restaurants.  He started feeling guilty about spending money.  My response to him was "in two weeks you are leaving, then I go back to working long hours with no break.  I don't have anyone to spend my time with.  So I don't feel guilty for doing this".  He agreed. 

We live two separate lives right now and we only get 3 separate months a year.  I don't want to spend the time we do have together - not enjoying life together.  It is time that we can't get back, but we can enjoy each other's company when we are together.

Rainy weather

I love rainy weather, when I can stay inside and craft.  I am not a big fan of it at work.  The rain soothes my soul, it relaxes me.  My mind gets more creative with the rain.  It rains a lot in Hilo when I visit, but I just sit on the patio and work on quilting or feathers.  Hubby isn't very fond of the rain anymore - since he is an outdoor kinda of guy.  I am looking outside the window and there are big puffy gray clouds.  So relaxing.

Ton of bricks

It hit me "like a ton of bricks" about 30 minutes after I posted yesterday's sob story.  I figured out what I wanted, what I needed.  I want and need my life to be simpler and I believe I figured out how to accomplish it.

First, the fantastic Barb is making this blog all pretty.  Second, I am going through my stuff and getting rid of some of it or finding a new use for a lot of it - stay turned to that.  My mind is spinning with possibilities, but good possibilities.  Time to use what I have and not to buy anything new for awhile.  Third, I am working towards retiring early.  It might not be this school year, but by next school year I will be done.  I figured out how to do it and it is going to take a little bit of work to accomplish it - but I can do it.  I want to spend more time with the grand babies.  Not sure if my husband will be moving back this June or next, but I want to spend more time with him.

I feel good about this decision.  My kids and hubby want me to retire - so I will stay healthy.  It is time and I have a plan - it feels really good.

Still fighting

I am still fighting the battle that is going on in my head.  The decisions that need to be made. 

I am enjoying the time off.  I would like this to be my life.  I miss a couple of the girls that I work with.  I am enjoying cooking, again.  I haven't wanted to do that for a long time.  I would like to try some of the receipes that I have collected by watching the cooking shows.  Why, does everything look so yummy.

I am trying to find some time to be creative, but with hubby home visiting it has been hard.  He should be golfing this afternoon with our son - so hopefully I will be able to get something done.  If I would just put the grand baby down, lol.  He is adorable.  I could just look at him for hours.

Picture update

I, finally, updated my picture wall.  I love this wall.  I had left my computer in Hawaii and the template for the pictures was on that computer. I put a bunch of the baby on the wall.  I can't believe that he is already 13 days old.  He has changed so much.  I am loving his expressions, love to watch him sleep.

This is the first thing that I see when I walk downstairs in the morning and the last thing that I see.  It makes me happy.  The pictures do hang straight on the wall, but they got a little distorted when I took the picture. 

I, think, we are going to the beach - since it is warm - to take a couple of pictures of the grand baby today.  We will, probably, show him off at daddy's work.

I am still having major anxiety of what to do.  I feel like it is time for a change, but not sure what to do.  It is starting to cripple me - physically and emotionally.  I really need it to stop.  I am in so much pain because of it.  It is so hard to work with a difficult person.  I try and move pass it, but I can't. I have the positive attitude when I get there - to just be there with my kids.  Then, she does something and says something that is so unprofessional.  It bothers me.  It ruins my day.  Maybe I need to change schools, but I don't want to leave my friends and parents that I love because of one person.  I need to release that control.

So much to do

I have so much to do.  The list is a mile long or maybe two.  But all I want to do is hold this beautiful bundle.

My beautiful grand son, born a week ago.  I, seriously, can't get enough of him.  Lucky for me - his parents share and I am loving the fact that he is living with us right now.  It makes me want to buy some property and build houses on it for all my kids and grand kids to live in - close to me.  Close enough to snuggle, kiss and just admire.  But, when they get cranky - I can send them home. 

He is what makes life so wonderful.